Some good advice for the upcoming Olympians below. And yes, the links below are real
Subject: Veet Hair Removal Gel
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
20,673 of 20,801 people found the following review helpful
DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS
http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R231U4ZG ... 279-026640
24 Jan 2012 By Andrew
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did
was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The
bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured
bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes
against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't
have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.
(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my
bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)
2,652 of 2,693 people found the following review helpful
LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION
http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R2PY4YXN ... 279-026640
17 April 2012 By The Cantankerous Tiger
I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the
past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which
means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure
you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to
the root of the problem and purchased this product.
Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the
pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to
estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than
Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying
your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor
blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This
product is slightly more painful than that.
However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should
point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of
organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even
on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I've spent the last
four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman's arse, all to no avail. My
tinkywinkleton hasn't even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit
harsh, it's only because I wanted children.
All in all an effective and reasonably priced product.
1,239 of 1,264 people found the following review helpful
Increased Sports Performance Bonus
http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/RJ7V9QIN ... 79-0266405
24 April 2012 By Tagnutt Mandeville
As a highly competitive amateur athlete, I have long been aware of the
benefits of a highly polished scrotum pole and hair-free saddle-bags,
especially when going for the `longer look' as displayed by Linford in his
Previously I had used the old-school method of a cutthroat razor, but as you
can imagine, this was a tricky and delicate operation, and to make matters
worse, it was difficult to get into a comfortable position in the chair at
my local Barbers. Anyway, I am quite hairy down there and my snippet valve
looks like Brian May's plughole so eventually the Barber said he could no
longer perform the task for me. He also said that looking up my whizzer
every Saturday at 11:30 put him off his lunch, as he usually has
toad-in-the-hole followed by chocolate-coated donuts as a Saturday treat.
He did not want to leave me in the lurch and said that he had read some
excellent reviews on Amazon about Veet for men and suggested I give it try.
Like many other reviewers, I made the mistake of not reading the bumph
properly; I used the whole tube and completely coated my cock eggs, barse
and nipsy with the stuff. Anyway, I lost track of time, and it was the foul
stench of dissolving clinkers and melting hair that brought me to my senses.
As I looked at my watch through the putrid fog that had formed around me, I
could see that it had been applied for exactly 5 minutes 59 seconds. This
presented me with a problem, as when the searing pain began, I was outside
my flat, sat in the communal gardens, in a deck chair precisely 100 meters
and 3 flights of stairs away from my bathroom. It was as if I had lowered my
under-carriage through a volcano and into Hades, whereupon Beelzebub,
annoyed by the uninvited intrusion, jabbed me in the rectum with his fork.
I took off from the deckchair like Usain Bolt out of the TV adverts. Within
12 seconds, the bathroom was filled with steamy fetid barse broth, and I had
the clock weights, biffin's-bridge and Sherriff's badge under ice-cold
running water at the tap end of the bath. This did not please the missus, as
she was relaxing in there at the time surrounded by floating petals and
candles, although she did say that the sight of my ringpiece flashing like a
brake light was impressive, and she was pleased to see that my arse
barnacles had all but disappeared.
When I looked at my watch again, I realised how quickly I had made it up the
stairs and the idea dawned on me that I had discovered a 100% legal sports
performance enhancer. Now when I compete in a competition I dab a small
amount around my Samantha Janus and taint exactly 6 minutes before the race
is due to start. If I am doing the hurdles, I change the ratio and put more
on my barse to make me jump higher. This proved to be particularly effective
a couple of weeks ago, as after crossing the hurdles finish line, I
accidentally won the high jump and steeple chase too, looking for the water
jump to wash the stuff off.
Now I can hear you all thinking that none of this is particularly
extraordinary, especially given the reviews that you have already read.
However, when I tell you that I am 45 years old, 5' 4" tall and weigh 15
stone, and I used to do the shot-put that should put things into context. As
this is an Olympic year I think Tagnutt and Mandeville or whatever their
names are, should be redesigned with hairless nether-regions and the British
squad should use my technique and be sponsored by Veet, although I don't
recommend it for the beach volley ball team.